How Did I End Up Here?

I’m baaaaaaack… did you miss me? (said in the voice of Gossip Girl)

I know, I know, I left everyone hanging for 3 years while I went into my little hidey hole. Opening up your heart to the world is a scary endeavor after all, and I was still deeply in the trenches of my healing when I started this blog. A lot of life has happened for me in 3 years, but can we stop for a moment and just appreciate the synchronicity of the number 3 in this tale of tragedy and transformation (including the name of this here blog)??? Whether you believe numbers have significance or not, historically and spiritually there’s a lot associated with the number 3, many considering it to be a divine number. In Christianity it is associated with the Holy Trinity, it’s the number of days Christ was in the tomb before he was resurrected, and he also was crucified at the age of 33. In Hinduism, the Trimurti (Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva) represent the 3 aspects of the divine in creation, preservation, and destruction. In Buddhism, the Three Jewels (Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha) represent the main facets of the Buddhist path. It can represent Beginning, Middle, and End, the 3 major components of a story, or Birth, Life, and Death, the cycle of life. In Astrology each sign has a modality and there are 3 types of modalities: Cardinal signs that initiate a new season and are action-oriented, Fixed signs that stabilize the existing season and represent what is sturdy and enduring, and Mutable signs that conclude the seasons and focus on letting go of one thing in preparation of another. In breathing exercises used to calm our nervous systems there are always 3 parts: intake, holding, and exhaling. In Numerology, the number 3 is associated with creativity, optimism, and spiritual guidance, encouraging one to tap into their talents and embrace their unique path, expressing themselves authentically. (Can I just say that even now as I went to google the numerology of the number 3 to remind myself and verify, I was met with my phone showing me that the time is 3:33pm Ha!). 3 is a reminder to maintain a positive outlook and embrace the beauty and joy in life, a symbol of communication and the importance of expressing oneself, and also associated with growth and expansion. The angel number 33 can be tied to spiritual awakening and transformation. When Mike died at the age of 33, it started something in me. Within a year I began a spiritual transformation that began when I was about 33 years old myself where I found myself veering from the religion I had been brought up in. Now, 2 years later, I finally feel truly shifted into the realest version of me and it has been such a journey in getting here.

In my mind, Mike’s life was divided into 3 main parts: his early childhood, his teenage years, and his adult life. We have discussed the early childhood part and a touch of the teenage years too. I’d like to deep dive more into his life but I also want to take a pause to acknowledge my absence and to let you know that for the past 3 years I have been undergoing a major transformation in my life, mostly at the spiritual level, and invite you to join me on a ride as I explain how everything happened and how it all ties back to Mike. He was and is my catalyst for change, the biggest lesson of my life and the one who ties everything together. His role and my role are interconnected, completely intertwined. And now I understand the why of his life and his death, and subsequently the why of my own life as well.

I am eager to get this whole story out of me but there’s a lot to it and I know people’s attention spans are only so long so I will refrain from trying to tell the whole thing at once as I know that would come out feeling like a book rather than a blog. I will continue to write as much as I can whenever I can, until we get through it to the point of regained hope and empowerment and a stronger sense of purpose (or in other words, present day).